If a 49 year old blonde deaf woman tries to purchase a b.b. gun from you, DO NOT SELL IT TO HER. This is my mother. She wants to shoot the squirrels that are eating from her seven (yes, 7!) bird feeders situated throughout her backyard. Let me give you a little background.
She is an avid birdwatcher and when I visit, she continually tiptoes in to the room I am in and gestures for me to "come quickly" and look at a "new bird." Apparently, birds have super hearing and the sound of her footsteps on the carpet will send them flying in terror. And she takes special trips to the store to refill her feeders. I have no clue why she loves birds so much, but I constantly have to stop myself from twirling my finger in the air and going, "Whoop-de-freakin-do."
I mean, she DID watch all those times I went, "Mom! Look at me! I can swim the butterfly stroke!" Yeah, I couldn't.
Now, the banes of her existence at the moment are these "damn squirrels" that have recently begun their reign of terror over the feeders, depleting the resources meant for the birds. She's tried everything- running out of the house and clapping her hands at them (maybe they think she's applauding?), profanity laced yelling, sic'ing the dog on them (I wouldn't be scared of Samantha, either), etc. She's a modern day Bill Murray a la "Caddyshack." These squirrels are her gopher.
So, last weekend she says to me, "I think I need a b.b. gun. I'm going to shoot to kill."
How lovely. This from the woman who put her treadmill in a room with such a low ceiling she can't even run without smacking her head on it. Yeah, that says it all. And also, she has a history of violence with squirrels. I secretly think that they're out to get her. We once had a squirrel come into our house via the chimney. She swatted him out with a tennis racket.
I mean, I know you guys are out to get money, but when the squirrel community turns on you for arming this woman, don't come crying to me. You've been warned.
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