CNN's going down the tubes.

I give you one of their top headlines: "NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) -- A Bahamas jury has determined that Anna Nicole Smith's son died from an accidental drug overdose and is recommending no criminal charges."

No shit! You don't say? It only took you over a year to determine that?

And???

This is hardly breaking, cutting edge news.

This, coupled with their hard hitting reporting on Paris Hilton's exploits in and out of jail will surely goes down as the greatest reporting of the era.

*eye roll*

I heart beantown.

Beantown meaning Boston, for those of you not in the know.

Every single time I drive into the city, the Prudential and the John Hancock tower loom in the sky and I feel like i'm truly coming home. From the crowded D line subway, to the construction at Copley, and the mad rush during baseball season, I secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) relish every little bit of it. So, just ignore me the next time I glare at you insane baseball fans sending up a "Yankees suck!" chant on the way home from a Red Sox/Bluejays game. Ignore my sneers, obnoxious frat boys checking me out and wolf whistling on Comm Ave. Rejoice in my eye roll, woman cutting me in line at the Boylston Street Trader Joe's during the after-work rush.

But you know what, guy in the electric wheelchair begging for change in front of Back Bay station...? I'm onto you. I saw you getting into the driver's seat of a Honda Civic not too long ago. Was this part of the "miracle" you talked about on your cardboard sign? Wow! If so, I'm a believer!

I worship at the altar of Louis Vuitton.

And premium outlet shopping, of course. It's not like i'm married to a sheik! Or Tom Cruise. And thank god for the absence of both of those scenarios in my life. I value my freedom!

Body woes , begone!

I feel fine about being clothed. I rather appreciate my body when it's covered up. Uncovered, however, is a different story. It feels like false advertising to me. Like when you take a campus tour the summer before freshman year, see the best dorms, and only go to the nicest classrooms. You're hooked! Then you arrive freshman year to find out that you're in a forced triple that looks slightly like that isolation tank you saw on "MTV: Real life: My life at Rikers." I can't help but wonder if that's what it feels like when I get naked in front of someone.

I just want to love my body, dammit!

Pregnant men? Hell has officially frozen over.

Apparently, there is a transgendered man who is pregnant with his and his wife's child.

I am really quite open minded and i'm happy that they're going to have a child that they will obviously be loving parents to...but one question (ok, many questions) weigh on my mind.

How do you explain that to a child?

I can think of few sentences more confusing and terrifying than "You came out of daddy."

Seriously. I'm getting that same slightly unsettled feeling after watching Arnold Schwarzeneggar prove how comfortable he is with his masculinity by making an ass of himself in that movie "Junior." Nothing says future Governor of CA like a man strapping on a pregnant belly and utilizing lamaze!

The Inaugural post...the pressure!

Eh. Today's Friday, thank god. I don't think I can take any more of this week. Plus, this weekend I am going to perform my official duties as a fashion guru.

I've decided, as a means of venting, to provide a short list of things that have irked/perplexed me this week. Why? I don't know, nor do I care. Because I feel like it! If this makes me a whiny bitch, so be it.

1.) Asshole who put his umbrella down on the only available seat of the train: Even if no one decrepit or handicapped was in your immediate vicinity, this was not an indication that the seat was any less desired! You're lucky I didn't take your golf (insert crude joke about sinking putts here)umbrella and start practicing my swing for my debut with the company softball team(which I am sure will catapult me to instant stardom).

2.) Why don't Randy and Simon stage an intervention for Paula? And Ryan, while they're at it??

3.) Peeps. Not only are these things horribly noxious, they also remind me of the fact that my aunts called male genitalia "peepers" with their kids. Christ. No wonder children grow up sexually confused these days.

4.) Why, in this glorious city that is Boston can I not locate the following items: a.) women's Ed Hardy Sneakers and b.) organic vodka? It's a travesty, people!

5.) Lastly, no, I do NOT want a free trip to "paradise." I think, deluded telemarketer who will not stop calling me, that your definition of paradise and mine are slightly different. You see, I do not think that touring swamp land that is "destined for greatness as the next big thing in timeshares" while listening to a speech in an industrial gym with no windows about how to get in on this "exciting new venture" is really up my alley. But thanks for the lovely offer.


You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.